How i came to the lord“And we know that all thing work together for good to them that love God, to them who are called according to His purpose.”
These words apply to all Christians who have trusted the Lord. All the problems and difficulties we encounter on our way, the Lord uses them to the benefit of His children.
It was this way in my life too. I grew up in an ordinary family where people did not know God. When I was seven, my younger sister Oksana was born. In a few months my parents divorced. My mother had to raise us all by herself.She was often mad that we were growing up in poverty, without a father and without any support or protection. My mean and very aggressive mother often beat me up; I could not understand why I was often beaten up. I harbored this grudge in my heart. When my father would come to visit us, I would complain to him and then he would beat up my mother. Continually, I was a witness to fighting and strife. When my parents had a fight I often cried and pleaded with them to stop.
I was growing up in a family without love, understanding and protection. I was growing up reserved, I kept bitterness in my heart that gradually turned to hatred towards my mother. I was growing up with a dream in my heart to pay her back, for everything she had done to me.
At the same time I was afraid of her. If I did something not the way she wanted, she would beat me with her fists or by something she got in her hands. Mother worked, but often this money was not enough for us that is why she decided to send me to an orphanage and my sister to the children’s home.
When she has left me in an orphanage, she told that in 3 months she would return take me back home.I was 9 years old. This orphanage was near Chernobyl.The 3 months pass way, but she hasn't returned...I waited for her all the days long that one day she would come and it will be in the most joyful day in my life!
When I was 12 years old, I studied in one of orphanages. Parents came and took away home children for the weekend who lived near. But me parents didn't come. I often was by the window, looked at a city which it was visible partly and cried. It seemed to me that life wasn't fair to me. I was sad and felt much pain in my soul .It seemed that I was nobody necessary. I didn't know what to do.I used to walk a lot at the orphanage yard. Children who were more courageous called me to escape from a orphanage. But I was afraid.
When I was 14, I wondered what happiness was, what the sense of life was.I felt emptiness, bitterness and a pain in my heart. If anybody doesn't love me, what is the point of living on earth?
I knew that money and material assets don't bring happiness. I understood that happiness not in a family.I could not find the answer, but in my heart I felt there had to be an answer somewhere.What is the happiness?
Often for different reasons I had to study at four different orphanages. At one of them I heard about Christ.Each week some Christians used to visit us, they spent some time with us, sang songs, and told us about Christ’s love to us. At the same time I came to know other Christians. I noticed that they were unordinary people who were joyful and happy. I couldn’t understand why they were this way, and I wanted to find out the reason why. I loved to hear about Christ and attend services, but as I did not feel a need for Him I often went there because of mere curiosity.
Almost two years passed. Getting used to the Christian way of life, I began copying their style.Every morning and evening I prayed, bought a Bible and began reading it regularly. I attended services constantly and witnessed to people about Christ .For all those years, I acquired some knowledge of the Word of God that I could apply in my life and telling others about Christ.In my heart I decided I would spend my life this way, reading, praying and so on, but I hesitated to trust Christ and to give my heart to Him. I thought I had nothing to repent of, because I lived a righteous life.
But once when I was going by train reading the Bible as usual, I started thinking about my life. For what I live, in what meaning of the life, what waits for me in the future? Why should you live if you are nobody necessary? I felt emptiness in the heart and that I am not happy.
I began thinking about the life of Christians and comparing it to my own life, I felt the emptiness in my heart.Something was missing and I got scared. I realized I was going to hell. The thought came to my mind what if the train suddenly came off the rails; I would die and go to hell. I felt I was a great sinner before a Holy God. That day (it was a Sunday and I was just coming to service) I decided to trust in the Lord and put my life in His hands, and surrender completely to Jesus. At the service when the pastor’s invitation was given, I began hesitating, I realized I was held back by Satan, but I made a decisive step forward and went down the aisle. During the prayer I cried much and regretted that I was a great sinner and realized I needed the Lord.
That day I understood what the sense of life and happiness was! I felt very glad and happy!
The Lord started working with me. The emptiness and pain I had in my heart, He filled with love, peace, forgiveness and joy. I thought that, if I wished for my mother to be dead, that it would make my life easier, but now I forgave her easily, and now I am praying about the salvation of her soul too.I love her very much!
Now I understand why the Lord has allowed me so I studied in different orphanages. That I could bear the Good message to the same children.
I have since graduated from Teachers Training College in 2000. I used to hate the profession of a teacher, but during the last year of my studies I came to understand that it was the will of God that He appointed me to the ministry to the Children.
I used to be ashamed to tell everybody that I was a kid from the orphanages because I knew that people where of a bad opinion about these kids. It humiliated me, I did not feel like a normal kid but the Lord turned everything to good and now I am no longer ashamed of this because I know it was the will of God. Glory to Him for that!
Now I love the children in the orphanages! I have a dream to be able to help orphans with their physical needs and I know how they feel and what they need everyday. I pray and dream that the Lord will enlarge the limits in the ministry of Sunday School in the orphanages. To let them know about the Living God. That He is our hope, our help and also our protection. If there is no love and understanding in a family, that they might know that they can find it all in God!
How the Lord called me to the ministry
I`m almost in the begining this ministry. In 2001 i was study at Bible college.In this college was a ministry and all students who wanted, they could to visit orphans.In couple months later i start to visit orphanages also.
When i was first time at orphanage where are boys with special needs and with Down`s syndrome i was in big shock.Many of children are cripple.I live in Ukraine and did not know about these poor children.They had so threadbare and wear out clothes, most of all can not speak just some boys and very bad,they all were screaming, crying,oldest boys beat smaller,some of them were aggressive, most of all can`t eat good, all children skinny much, just bons, they had wear out clothes, with out shoes, nothing good and many not good things i saw.They even did not know how candy need to eat with out cover paper.When we start to visit this orphanage, kids were sit inside of the room on sand or earth.There was not floor! The fly and other bugs were crawl on their body and in this rooms were smell so much(i`m sorry).Outside they were like in special cage, that they can not run everywhere.No toys, no any games, nothing!
Students of college were singing but i could not, a big lump was in my throat.The tears was running on my face.After this trip i could not come to myself senses for a long time.After i visited some more difference orphanages.
In same time i was a teacher at Christian school, i had first class.After trips of orphanages i wanted come back but could not because i worked.I prayed and could not understand many things, i loved much my work but felt God gave me a wish visited these orphanages.I said to Lord: "God, i work i can not do it! Where i take money to live, if i will leave a work?" But in my heart i felt i want to come back again and again.I did not know what to do.So, very soon a school where i worked closed.I stay with out work but was happy could to visit orphans!
It was very hard i had not work, lived with younger sister Oksana, we were need food, often we were hungry, we were need pay utilities for flat and other physical needs.I prayed to God about it, about job.In Ukraine many things are difference.I understood if i go to work i can not visit orphans.Also i understood we need food and other things.These thinking were every day in my heart! I undertood responsibility for my sister.I have to care about her, feed, buy clothes and etc.I was breaking in my heart.I prayed much and fasting often.I did not know what to do.It was on during 2 years.But every day God bless us, sent food, money for utilities and many other blessing! God showed me that i continue to visit orphans, He will provide what we need.He is faithful! Our Lord is wonderful! No one day He did not leave us! He has made a lot of miracles in our life!
My lovely Bible verse:
"Trust in the LORD, and do good; [so] shalt thou dwell in the land, and verily thou shalt be fed." Psalms.37:19
After graduation of Bible college i decided to continue to visit all orphanages.I love much this ministry! I understood, if i will not do it but who will do? If we will not teach them about God, devil teach them wrong things.By the grace of God we continue this ministry! I`m so happy Jesus called me and i can to minister this poor and abonded children! His perfect way is the BEST! I cannot tell you of all the joy and thankfulness in my heart what i feel! It is amazing when we can visit orphans and give them love and hope! God is so good even when we don’t deserve it!
|This is the house where i grew up when was a child|
|It was my room|