What's it like to be an orphan

What's it like to be an orphan and at orphanage? Are they happy?What's it like there?What is life like in an orphanage as a child? and lots of similar questions more and more people ask.

Every child has their own story... Every child passes through his own life road and has different experience and feelings.But at same time they have same feelings and emotions. Every child wants to be loved and feel protected...

So, here's a very little story of orphan girl what she went through and felt being at orphanage.

• She remembers very well her first day at an orphanage, even it is gone many years since that...She was 9 years old when got there. She remembers well promises of her mother come back and take away home in several months. She waited her, waited that special day daily but it never happened.
• This little girl remembers well, when her hair was cut off very soon. She felt terrible as all girls looked as boys with very short hair. She did not wish look as a boy. She knew a girl should look like a girl with long hair. She degraded. But no one paid attention on her tears.
• She was transferred to different orphanages several times. New classmates, new teachers, new friends. She felt stressful a little. As in every orphanage she had left friends, she always was so excited to get a letter from some. It was like a balm for a afflicted soul. Years later when she became a teen, this girl got a letter from a Christian lady, she kept it gently many, many years. She often opened it and re-read with such desire and carefully each word as she was reading it at first time.
• In one of orphanages weekends were worst days for this girl. You can not go where you want, only spend time in the yard of the orphanage. She wandered and did not know what to do...She felt sad and depressed. 

• At the age of 12 years old very often she was standing near window, cried and dreamed to have wings that fly away from the orphanage, somewhere where she would feel better... To be with someone, who would give a simple hug and where she would feel loved and happy. She dreamed to be at home... In a loving home...
• But at same time she did not wish to be at home...Because parents even they did not live together were fighting and yelling. She cried a lot and pleaded parents to stop. But tears did not help...Mother never understood her and beat her up with no reason by everything she had in her hand. This girl grew as abused child. She was very scared. When the child was beaten up again she run away to a forest where felt protected at that moment. She cried and wandered at the forest. She thought when she would grow up and become adult she would build a tiny home for herself and live on the tree.
• Became a teenager she started to hate her mother that she beat her up with no reason. That mother never hold her promises. She kept bitterness in her heart and stopped to trust her mother...
• At the orphanage nothing belongs you. If orphanage gives you a clothes it can be too big size or such condition that teenagers feel embarrassed to wear it.One pair of shoes, boots or clothes a child should wear several years. Even it looks worn out. Orphanage cannot provide more. One pair of socks can be given once a year. This girl doesn't remember, when underwear was given to children...
• The clothes, shoes any your belongings can be stolen by children or caretakers.
• Together with all girls she hidden everything under mattress. It was an one safe place for your belongings. Even a caregiver yelling because everything should be clean. But it was a place, where children could hide their own things.
• She never got a gift and never celebrated a Birthday and grew as neglected child... 
• Every day was same. She felt herself like in jail... One day she has run away, when was going home for summer holidays from the orphanage. Because she felt unwanted at home, no one waited her and at same time she felt like prisoner at the orphanage. The police was looking her for a month...
• Children do not know their rights there. When she graduated the orphanage. Caretaker told her give back the jacket what orphanage gave to the girl. So, leaving the orphanage she had not a jacket.
• She was a witness of humiliation of human dignity, offence when caretakers beat up a children. Or children terribly humiliate other children. Yes. She was scared.You should protect yourself.
• Several times local guys, who came to the orphanage hiddenly and classmate tried to rape her. This 15 years old girl cried and begged him to let her go. She was trying to jump from the second floor to run away from classmate but she was afraid. The classmate turned on music loudly did not listen her and told, you can scream no one will hear you. She was very scared, cried and pleaded him to let her go.This soul felt unprotected and alone...
• She felt terribly when teen boys came to girls bedroom and spent nights with them. She wanted run away at that moments...  But how and where to go?
• She was angry, felt pain and bitter betrayal when the best friend spent a night with a local guy and he bought a new pants and shoes for her. Everyone knew it and laughed at her. She could not protect because her classmates girls beaten her friend up no once...The girl knew, she was weak physically to protect her friend.
• Humiliation, not understanding, unprotection, violence she could not accept this all and felt unhappy. At teen age she started to think is it sense of life, if no one understand you? Is happiness real? And what is happiness???She felt pain and felt depressed. It seemed that she was necessary to nobody...

• After leaving the orphanage she did not feel as a normal kid. She felt guilty as teachers at the orphanage always told to children, you will be same like your parents, alcoholic, go to jail or become a prostitute. So, she never told to people she was at orphanage and where she grew up. She knew society will not accept her as they think "children are bad from orphanages".It humiliared her. She wanted to be and live as a normal kid...

But one wonderful day Jesus came and healed her broken heart. She heard from Christians about Jesus with such a great desire and she felt herself as a thirsty soul to know more and more about God`s love.She prayed very hard with tears and asked to save her and change her life. All bitterness, pain, loneliness, emptiness in the heart, hatred, Jesus Christ took away and filled her heart with joy, peace, forgiveness, love and happiness. 

Today this girl became a young lady, who serves same orphans and brings hope. If you don't know yet this girl was I...Jesus Christ is only one, who can give hope, joy and fill your life with a sense.To God be the glory!

I hope it will help you understand, why this( and not only this) but all ministries to orphans are so important! And why we cherish your prayers and wonderful support. I hope it will help you to understand if only a little... what feel children in orphanages and why they are so happy to see visitors. Thank you so much make it possible for Bible Orphan Ministry!My love to all!

"Mama I`m gonna kill you"

People often ask. How children live in orphanages? What they do there? What do they feel? What do they dream of? Why children run away from orphanages? Why such a horrible statistic is that 10% of children commit suicide after leaving orphanages? and many others.

This is not a Christian but a documentary film "Mama I`m gonna kill you", made in one of the orphanages Russia, shows very well the lives of children in the orphanage, their dreams and feelings...

Terrible! But it is heartbreaking truth is what we are seeing in orphanages...

Maybe this film will help you understand, WHY your support is SO important to us, especially prayers. And we apreciate it VERY much.Why BOM team , brings Good News to the poor orphans. Since only Jesus Christ can heal these broken and wounded hearts. As God healed hearts of BOM team, who were former orphans. 

Maybe this film will help you to understand the lives of children in orphanages, their feelings and WHY their hearts are often bitter. Why, need YEARS to heal their children's hearts and distressed precious souls.

(Psalm 27:10) KJV "When my father and my mother forsake me, then the LORD will take me up". 

Some moments reminded me of a past life in orphanages, where I spent many years... This movie is impossible to watch without tears...

The film on YouTube:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uu03J1svd-c

An one broken heart

I`m not very good blogger for 10 days already.I am so sorry. :( We are busy with visit of orphans and another our mission work.I absolutely have not time.But I very hope and will try to find a time soon, to update what is going on here.Thank you for understanding.

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But here I would love so much ask you to pray for a one precious soul with a broken heart and so lonely.Our hearts ache and are so sad.

After the Bible meeting with kids when our team already collected things that to come back home. One guy approached and started asking some questions of God and to disprove that he doesn't believe in that that the Bible speaks. I having looked back around, noticed that the team can handle without me,  having collected all things. This guy needs time to talk.

Having communicated some time and quoting, reading  places of Scripture from the Bible and arguing, he rejected everything and told it all is a lie and continued to argue.

At the end I told:
-Do you want to tell, that the Bible deceives?
-Yes! He in the affirmative answered.
-Is it mean God is a liar too?
-Yes.There was his answer.

I didn't believe that he told the truth because he promised to start reading the Bible before. In some moments he contradicted to himself.
-I believe, very deep in your heart that you believe in God and everything He says in the Bible.You just does not wish to accept it for some reason,- I continued .
He did not answer.
Hmm.. I told him.
-Vitaly, seems to me you not about it want to talk. You are interested not in it.
-How do you know?! There was a surprised question.
I smiled.
-I`m not 16 years old. I am a little older than you and I see you well.
Probably my answer wasn't so well. But he told that I was right.
Then I told in the affirmative as in it I was confident. I noticed he looked for reason to speak with someone.
-Something disturbs you and about it you would like to talk.
-No, no!
We having left a class already and continued to communicate. I told.
-Ok.when time will come, you can talk about your feelings.
-No. No! I don't want! He hid his head in a jacket hood, pulling on himself, trying to cover his anxiety but walk around me.
-Ok. You do not mind if we would pray for you?
-No, I don't want! God will not help me! Already nobody will help me,- he said in low tones having turned away aside. His face dropped and he was grieved.

For an instant I thought. Well. Probably he wasn't ready... Probably not time yet. Probably he was afraid to open...Thoughts were turning in the head. But very much it was clearly visible that something disturbed him. We will pray that the Lord would help him and healed his broken and wounded heart, I thought... At the end I told him.
-Vitaly, remember that you are special for the Lord. He loves you and wants to help you. He loves you, want you it or no. I believe with all my heart that He has a special plan for your life.
I thought that on it our conversation stopped...

 In a moment other boy ran up to our van, called me that to resolve an issue with a gift on Birthday. Having left him for sisters to solve it, I returned to Vitaly and was surprised... He didn't leave. He didn't want to leave! He approached and continued to communicate with brother Misha. And he opened, friends... At this moment, when I absolutely didn't expect!
  He told us his heart pain and troubles. His mother got to hospital. He doesn't know what with her. He worries about her. And is next sorrow... I type and my heart feel his heartstrings, so bitterly and so sadly. Tears in eyes. His brother got to road accident and is in coma. Doctors don't give chance of life... I can't tell all details. Probably his brother already died. Vitaly doesn't know all details.It is so heartbreaking. But he is very afflicted and grieved. He is as the wounded bird who needs healing and the help...
It is awful! He is in a orphanage. Alone. There is nobody to talk. Also can't be near his relatives...How it can be?

Also he told us that wants to get rid of addictions as alcohol and smoking. But he can't. He wants something new, and to live  another way. It very much surprised me. Because a short time ago. He laughed and spoke "vodka and cigarettes, it is everything that is necessary for life!" Certainly, it has broken our hearts. I don't remember what we spoke to him about it then.

But last Saturday we had a wonderful meeting with teenagers in this orphanage and spoke about a choice. Also about alcohol, smoking, drugs and about consequences.

We promised to arrive in 2 weeks again, if God allows. There a week passed. Today he came running before the Bible lesson with younger kids and asked. Why you did not arrive today to us, to older children? We reminded him that agreed to meet teenagers in 2 weeks, but not in a week. Today is turn of younger kids. So, it seems that before a meeting he already looked for communication and waited, when we will finish.

When we continued to communicate with Vitaly, one of teachers approached and started speaking what he is the difficult and disobedient child. I believe that much more he would tell us, but he having again hidden his face in a jacket hood, escaped... So sad.And on it our communication interrupted...

I think. Whether teachers and orphanage administration spoke with him. Why he so behaves? Whether he spoke openly with them? Did he opened  the heart? Whether they were interested, when or why the anger and offense he pours out on others? Whether they know in general, what now occurs in his family? Whether they know pain of his heart? Whether they see why he hides and concealed?
I have the answer...But I so much want to be wrong...

Friends. Our pleading and prayer is for Vitaly. He is only 16 years old, and he was already tired of everything … Please, pray that the Lord Jesus healed his heart and soul. That the Lord would make a miracle in his family. That the Lord healed this lonely soul in search of truth and a consolation. That he will give his heart to Jesus. The friend is necessary to this guy. Someone is necessary, to whom he will be able to trust and open the heart. Someone is necessary, to whom he will be able to pour out all the bitterness and pain.

I already wait for the next Saturday more, from that again to talk to him and to console him. Instead of from that that to meet all teenagers. Though we wish it very much, as well we plan.I think as for guy, it will be better to talk to him to brother Misha.

Would you pray, please for heart and soul healing of Vitaliy?Would you, please, remember him in your daily prayers?He has a hard time now. He needs Jesus so much.Thank you so much!