How i came to the lord
“And we know that all thing work together for good to them that love God, to them who are called according to His purpose.”
(Romans 8:28)
These words apply to all Christians who
have trusted the Lord. All the problems and difficulties we encounter
on our way, the Lord uses them to the benefit of His children.
It was this way in my life too. I grew up in an ordinary family where people did not know God. When I was seven, my younger sister
Oksana was born. In a few months my parents divorced. My mother had to
raise us all by herself.She was often mad that we were growing up in
poverty, without a father and without any support or protection. My
mean and very aggressive mother often beat me up; I could not
understand why I was often beaten up. I harbored this grudge in my
heart. When my father would come to visit us, I would complain to him
and then he would beat up my mother. Continually, I was a witness to
fighting and strife. When my parents had a fight I often cried and
pleaded with them to stop.
I was growing up in a family without
love, understanding and protection. I was growing up reserved, I kept
bitterness in my heart that gradually turned to hatred towards my
mother. I was growing up with a dream in my heart to pay her back, for everything she had done to me.
At the same time I was afraid of her. If I did something not the way she wanted, she would beat me with her fists or by something she
got in her hands. Mother worked, but often this money was not enough
for us that is why she decided to send me to an orphanage and my sister
to the children’s home.
When she has left me in an orphanage, she told that in 3 months she would return take me back home.I
was 9 years old. This orphanage was near Chernobyl.The 3 months
pass way, but she hasn't returned...I waited for her all the days long that one day
she would come and it will be in the most joyful day in my life!
When I was 12 years old, I studied in
one of orphanages. Parents came and took away home children for the weekend
who lived near. But me parents didn't come. I often was by the window,
looked at a city which it was visible partly and cried. It seemed to me
that life wasn't fair to me. I was sad and felt much pain in my soul .It
seemed that I was nobody necessary. I didn't know what to do.I used to walk a lot at the orphanage yard. Children who were more
courageous called me to escape from a orphanage. But I was afraid.
When I was 14, I wondered what happiness
was, what the sense of life was.I felt emptiness, bitterness and a
pain in my heart. If anybody doesn't love me, what is the point of living on earth?
I knew that money and material assets
don't bring happiness. I understood that happiness not in a family.I
could not find the answer, but in my heart I felt there had to be an
answer somewhere.What is the happiness?
Often for different reasons I had to
study at four different orphanages. At one of them I heard about
Christ.Each week some Christians used to visit us, they spent some time
with us, sang songs, and told us about Christ’s love to us. At the
same time I came to know other Christians. I noticed that they were
unordinary people who were joyful and happy. I couldn’t understand why
they were this way, and I wanted to find out the reason why. I loved to
hear about Christ and attend services, but as I did not feel a need
for Him I often went there because of mere curiosity.
Almost two years passed. Getting used to
the Christian way of life, I began copying their style.Every morning
and evening I prayed, bought a Bible and began reading it regularly. I
attended services constantly and witnessed to people about Christ .For
all those years, I acquired some knowledge of the Word of God that I
could apply in my life and telling others about Christ.In my heart I
decided I would spend my life this way, reading, praying and so on, but
I hesitated to trust Christ and to give my heart to Him. I thought I
had nothing to repent of, because I lived a righteous life.
But once when I was going by train
reading the Bible as usual, I started thinking about my life. For what I
live, in what meaning of the life, what waits for me in the future?
Why should you live if you are nobody necessary? I felt emptiness in
the heart and that I am not happy.
I began thinking about the life of
Christians and comparing it to my own life, I felt the emptiness in my
heart.Something was missing and I got scared. I realized I was going to
hell. The thought came to my mind what if the train suddenly came off
the rails; I would die and go to hell. I felt I was a great sinner
before a Holy God. That day (it was a Sunday and I was just coming to
service) I decided to trust in the Lord and put my life in His hands,
and surrender completely to Jesus. At the service when the pastor’s
invitation was given, I began hesitating, I realized I was held back by
Satan, but I made a decisive step forward and went down the aisle.
During the prayer I cried much and regretted that I was a great sinner
and realized I needed the Lord.
That day I understood what the sense of life and happiness was! I felt very glad and happy!
The Lord started working with me. The
emptiness and pain I had in my heart, He filled with love, peace,
forgiveness and joy. I thought that, if I wished for my mother to be
dead, that it would make my life easier, but now I forgave
her easily, and now I am praying about the salvation of her soul too.I
love her very much!
Now I understand why the Lord has
allowed me so I studied in different orphanages. That I could bear the
Good message to the same children.
I have since graduated from Teachers
Training College in 2000. I used to hate the profession of a teacher,
but during the last year of my studies I came to understand that it was
the will of God that He appointed me to the ministry to the Children.
I used to be ashamed to tell everybody
that I was a kid from the orphanages because I knew that people where
of a bad opinion about these kids. It humiliated me, I did not feel
like a normal kid but the Lord turned everything to good and now I am
no longer ashamed of this because I know it was the will of God. Glory
to Him for that!
Now I love the children in the
orphanages! I have a dream to be able to help orphans with their physical needs and I know how they feel and what they need everyday. I pray and dream that the
Lord will enlarge the limits in the ministry of Sunday School in the
orphanages. To let them know about the Living God. That He is our hope,
our help and also our protection. If there is no love and
understanding in a family, that they might know that they can find it
all in God!
How the Lord called me to the ministry
I`m almost in the begining this
ministry. In 2001 i was study at Bible college.In this college was a
ministry and all students who wanted, they could to visit orphans.In
couple months later i start to visit orphanages also.
When i was first time at orphanage where
are boys with special needs and with Down`s syndrome i was in big shock.Many of children are
cripple.I live in Ukraine and did not know about these poor
children.They had so threadbare and wear out clothes, most of all can
not speak just some boys and very bad,they all were screaming,
crying,oldest boys beat smaller,some of them were aggressive, most of
all can`t eat good, all children skinny much, just bons, they had wear
out clothes, with out shoes, nothing good and many not good things i
saw.They even did not know how candy need to eat with out cover
paper.When we start to visit this orphanage, kids were sit inside of
the room on sand or earth.There was not floor! The fly and other bugs
were crawl on their body and in this rooms were smell so much(i`m
sorry).Outside they were like in special cage, that they can not run
everywhere.No toys, no any games, nothing!
Students of college were singing but i
could not, a big lump was in my throat.The tears was running on my
face.After this trip i could not come to myself senses for a long
time.After i visited some more difference orphanages.
In same time i was a teacher at
Christian school, i had first class.After trips of orphanages i wanted
come back but could not because i worked.I prayed and could not
understand many things, i loved much my work but felt God gave me a
wish visited these orphanages.I said to Lord: "God, i work i can not do
it! Where i take money to live, if i will leave a work?" But in my
heart i felt i want to come back again and again.I did not know what to
do.So, very soon a school where i worked closed.I stay with out work
but was happy could to visit orphans!
It was very hard i had not work, lived with younger sister Oksana, we were need food, often we were hungry, we were need pay
utilities for flat and other physical needs.I prayed to God about it,
about job.In Ukraine many things are difference.I understood if i go to
work i can not visit orphans.Also i understood we need food and other
things.These thinking were every day in my heart! I undertood
responsibility for my sister.I have to care about her, feed, buy
clothes and etc.I was breaking in my heart.I prayed much and fasting
often.I did not know what to do.It was on during 2 years.But every day
God bless us, sent food, money for utilities and many other blessing!
God showed me that i continue to visit orphans, He will provide what we
need.He is faithful! Our Lord is wonderful! No one day He did not
leave us! He has made a lot of miracles in our life!
My lovely Bible verse:
"Trust in the LORD, and do good; [so] shalt thou dwell in the land, and verily thou shalt be fed." Psalms.37:19
After graduation of Bible college i
decided to continue to visit all orphanages.I love much this ministry! I
understood, if i will not do it but who will do? If we will not teach
them about God, devil teach them wrong things.By the grace of God we
continue this ministry! I`m so happy Jesus called me and i can to
minister this poor and abonded children! His perfect way is the BEST! I
cannot tell you of all the joy and thankfulness in my heart what i
feel! It is amazing when we can visit orphans and give them love and
hope! God is so good even when we don’t deserve it!
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| This is the house where i grew up when was a child |
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| It was my room |
Loved reading more of your story Alla!
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